


you'll always be okay because we are enough

by Patrocool (all_the_homo)



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, bev is a CHILD and im still unpacking that, hes the age of my younger sibling yall, theyre just kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29798943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_the_homo/pseuds/Patrocool
Summary: After a restless night of chronic pain, paranoia, and nightmares, morning finds Beverly exhausted and unable to stand with his back to a wall. Erlin is there to help though.
Relationships: Erlin Kindleaf/Beverly Toegold V, Moonshine Cybin & Hardwon Surefoot & Beverly Toegold V
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	you'll always be okay because we are enough

**Author's Note:**

> not super happy with how this turned out but i just want to get stuff out. 
> 
> i can't remember who the author was, but i read a couple fics on here that had bev suffer from chronic pain and uh Yeah, so i adopted that headcannon.
> 
> title from my idea of fun by wingnut dishwashers union. 
> 
> hope yall enjoy

Beverly is not a stranger to nightmares. Not anymore, at least.

Technically, the war is over. It has been for a while now. They’ve had the celebrations, the funerals, the rebuildings, but for some reason, Bev is… Stuck, almost. He doesn’t know how to explain it, he knows the war is over but his body just can’t seem to understand that. Every sound he hears, he immediately begins to clock everyone around him with a hand on his sword, who he would need to get out of there, who would be a risk, and who would be an ally. Where the exits are, where they noise came from, if it was a trap-

And then he realizes it was the sound of someone clapping another person on the back, or the door closing, or someone even talking a bit loud or-

There’s no danger anymore but he can’t seem to wrap his head around it.

(He has trouble sleeping without Moonshine, Hardwon, Balnor, and PawPaw within arms reach. He keeps a knife under his pillow, his sword next to his bed, and even sleeps in armor from time to time, no matter how uncomfortable. When Erlin sleeps in the same bed, he needs to have his back to Erlin, between his boyfriend and the door at all times, like a shield.)

He can’t help but keep his sword sharp. His armor is his everyday clothing, and while no one says anything, he knows it hurts his mom, he can see how she wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to do that anymore, how he can be a normal kid again, but he also knows that he can’t. Being a normal kid is not on the table anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.

His legs don’t work as well as they used to. He’s sixteen and sometimes needs to use a cane just to walk- turns out that when Merrick High Hill said he needed rest after healing his legs after Bev goofed a god and got thrown out of a tower, he wasn’t kidding, and, well, they had been working nonstop for months after that, and that had a bit of an impact on his poor bones. Moral of the story: don’t goof a god, and if you do, make sure you rest for at least a few days after your walking sticks are literally shattered.

But the point is, when Bev wakes in the middle of the night with a jolt, hand leaping to his sword, he’s hardly surprised. He sits up and scans his room, casting daylight on the lantern next to his bed without a second thought. He just needed to be sure-

Nothing is there, of course, but Bev checks every inch of his room anyways. Better safe than sorry, and it gave him something to do while he calmed his racing heart.

(His sword, of course, was strapped to his side immediately.)

His legs feel like they are being ground to dust as he carefully walks around his room, checking in his closet, under his bed, out of the window, but he ignores the pain until he literally can’t. His legs lock up with cramps and he leans heavily against his wall, breathing short and labored as he tries to stay silent. He doesn’t want to worry his mom anymore than he already has- he’s already brought her enough pain.

Erlin and Bev have been traveling quite a bit- often going out to handle power vacuums or rumors of corruption, and the occasional kobold uprising or Pebblepott related bullshit, but right now…

Well, Gladeholm happened to be flying overhead, and since Mama Toegold was still in Gladeholm while Galaderon and Hillhome were rebuilt, Erlin and him elected to stay with their families for a few days. The Kindleafs lived just next door, and if Bev really needed to, he could call out and Erlin (and probably Egwene) would be there in a heartbeat.

But Beverly already asked so goddamn much of them. He wouldn’t make them rush to his aid every time he woke up scared for P’s sake.

He hisses softly as he reaches down, digging a thumb into the taunt muscles of his thigh, trying to unlock his cramping muscles. He bites his lip to keep himself quiet, and he ends up on the floor, back to the wall with his light next to him, trying to keep his breath steady as he looks around the room, searching for a flicker of danger.

He isn’t sure when or how, but he must’ve fallen asleep at some point because he jolts awake at the sound of his door creaking open. Before he has time to even register what is happening, Beverly has his sword out and has rolled a few steps further away from his door, only to look up and see the face of his mom, her lips pressed together and a deep sadness in her eyes.

Beverly didn’t have to have great insight to know what she’s thinking as she looks at her teenage son in this moment.

“I made sticky buns for breakfast, Beverly,” she says softly, gently, like he’s a wild animal she has to coax out with the bribe of treats.

Beverly’s throat feels thick as he quickly sheaths his sword, avoiding her eyes. “Thanks, mom,” he croaks out, voice sounding tight and rough.

Like a bullywug in a choke-hold, he could almost hear Moonshine saying.

Martha hesitates in the doorway, her eyes flickering to his legs, which are still stiff and screaming. “I’ll invite the Kindleafs over for breakfast too,” she says- not a question. A truth spoken with the implications of Erlin’s a healer. He can help.

All Bev can do is nod before his mom slips the door shut behind her as she goes, presumably, next door..

He isn’t sure how long it is until the door opens up but when it does, he sees his boyfriend. Erlin, his hair now long enough to be tied into a tiny ponytail on the nape of his neck (with strands of curls still falling in front of his eyes, of course), pads into the room and sits on the floor facing Bev.

“Hey, dude,” he greets, still quiet in the early morning light. Everyone is so quiet around Beverly these days, like one loud noise might break him.

They might be right.

“Hey,” Beverly replies, fiddling with the ties of his linen pants, eyes fixated on the gold paint of his feet, on the worn wooden boards of the floor, on the way the light lit up the dust through his window. Anywhere other than Erlin.

Erlin is quiet for another moment before sighing, pulling a small glass vial from his pocket and holding it out. “Painkiller potion.”

“I don’t-”

“Just take it, Beverly. It’ll ease your muscles and dull the pain, and Egwene can just make this stuff. She doesn’t just make poisons, you know, not anymore at least.”

Beverly winces and takes the potion, uncorking and putting it back like a shot of alcohol. 

“Thanks,” Bev says after a moment, waiting for it to kick in.

Erlin brings Beverly’s hand to his mouth and leaves a light kiss with a squeeze of his fingers. “That’s what best friend slash boyfriend slash party members do, dude.”

Bev cracks a smile. “Well, I hope you aren’t going around kissing just anyone’s knuckles,” he jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

_Keep it light, gotta keep it light._

Erlin’s lips purse ever so slightly, and Bev grimaces. _Alright, not keeping it light, cool, cool._ They worked shit out but it was still a sore spot, and pretty damn hypocritical of him to say that, honestly, what was he thinking-

“Stop thinking, Bev, it's fine,” Erlin says, reaching out to lightly touch his cheek, grounding him. “Everything’s okay, dude, I promise.”

“I know everything’s okay, but I-” His breath catches. He forces himself to take a slow breath. “I guess not all of me got the gosh darn memo.”

Calloused fingers take his hand again and lightly squeeze. “That’s okay, dude. I just wish you’d talk to me about it, y’know? Let me help you. Let me in.”

Beverly swallows, looking down at their linked hands, and nods. “I know. I’m sorry, I just… I didn’t want to wake you. I should be able to go one night without needing someone there to tell me I’m okay, and you deserve time to be home with your family.”

“Egwene and Nana are your family too, Bev,” Erlin says softly. “Egwene has literally been making these potions for you ever since she found out that you got pain that can’t be healed with spells. She pretends like she’s just like practicing or whatever but it’s ‘cause you’re family now.”

Beverly looks at Erlin through greasy blonde strands, a bit shy and uncertain. A far cry from his usual state of being, but damn it, he was exhausted. “Has she really?”

Erlin snorts and lightly pushes Bev’s shoulder. “Yeah, dude, I wouldn’t lie to you. Especially not about Egwene, if I lied about her and she found out, she’d hunt me for sport.”

An actual laugh is pulled from Beverly’s mouth, and he leans in to give his boyfriend a quick peck. “Thanks, Erlin.”

“Don’t mention it, dude.” Erlin clears his throat and smiles sweetly, making the morning light look dim in comparison. “Now, you planning on getting up any time soon? Your mom makes the best sticky buns and they’ll get cold if we don’t eat them soon.”

With some time and help from Erlin, Beverly makes it to his feet. Erlin grabs the wooden staff that Moonshine and Hardwon carved for him from where it was leaned against the wall, and the two walk out into the dining area to eat with their family.

Beverly Toegold V is no stranger to nightmares but as long as he has his family and friends to support him, he thinks he will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos make me smile, comments make my day


End file.
